Tag Archives: cause and effect

The Model

Note: Title of post reminds me of this song – song makes me laugh.

Last night I attended the Freshman Parent Drug and Alcohol Education Night at my sons new high school. I actually enjoyed it, given the path my life has taken, there was lots to think about. The speaker, of course, discussed how we model behavior as parents. I have always known that I didn’t model great drinking behavior, but I never thought it was THAT bad. One of the points he made that I had never considered before is that the kids don’t necessarily see our behavior the same as we do. He told a story about how he was a very moderate drinker; glass of wine with dinner some nights, couple of beers with a pizza sometimes, and a couple at a party – never too drunk to drive. One day he asked one of his children what they thought of his drinking: “Well Dad, you come home and drink wine when you are stressed from work, and I don’t think you could eat a pizza without beer, or go to a party without drinking.” Point being that the child’s reality did not match his reality. I thought about this. Of course an adult can drink at a party (those of you that can handle it), and I think a teenager can understand that, but “can’t ever go to a party without drinking” – isn’t that what we are asking our teenagers to do? I am.

Anyway, given that my drinking behavior WAS THAT bad, the concept that my kids saw it as even worse is pretty damn scary. Unfortunately, I cannot count myself among the folks who share at the recovery meetings that their kids have never seen them drink. I can however, add this to the list of reasons that I am glad to be sober now.


Feeding the Beast

The beast is still hungry, not for Alcohol as far as I can tell – but sugar.  Since I have quit drinking I have a huge sugar craving.  When I was drinking I rarely drank soda, ate desert, candy, etc.  Now there is soda, skittles, sugared cereal, etc.  I am not comfortable with this.

It makes me think.  I have read a bit on Alcoholics and candida, hypoglycemia, etc.  I am always reluctant to blame my issues on some kind of physiological problem, because I kind of feel it is a cop-out and not taking responsibility for my choices – however there is something at play here.

As a kid I would sneak my parents gum that I was not supposed to have without asking.  It was not a single piece at a time, it was a binge:  unwrap 4 pieces, jam them in my mouth, hide the wrappers, feel guilty, lie about it if caught, blame it on my sister.  Yesterday I bought a bag of skittles on the ride home from work.  Did I eat 1 or 2 at a time leaving half a bag for later?  No.  Did I at one point jam about 20 in my mouth and chew them up into a giant sugar ball?  Yes.  At the Little League I have even had my kid buy me the candy at the snack shack, because “I am an adult” and shouldn’t be buying candy.  If you think about it, this is 100% the alcoholic pattern and behavior.

I don’t know which is the cause and which is the effect, nor whether it is physiological or mental, but I definitely see some relationship here.  Couple with the fact that I am now desiring sweets, which I really have not done on a regular basis since I was a kid – strange.