Category Archives: My Relationship With Alcohol

Nameless


Strangers know my name, but it means nothing
they’ve seen my depths, I cannot hide
stripped in life’s lobby, the lights are blinding
and I am afraid

Shame slain by truth and trust
the picture changes
I see their lights, I’m not alone

 

– by abeastwithin, 2013


Marsellus Wallace was right.


Today I have been clean and sober for 1 year. I almost don’t want to write about it, but I feel I must recognize it here since I have been blogging about my alcoholism and recovery for the better part of a year.

I really just want to thank all of you who have read along, commented, shared stories, my sponsor, therapist, folks in my recovery group, my higher power that I started seeking in this last year, and anybody who has helped me or put up with my struggles in the past and loved me while I am learning to love myself.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being sober, it is one of the best things that has ever happened for me. I would recommend it to anyone, especially if you are concerned about your drinking or your ability to deal with life.  I am actually grateful to be an alcoholic, because the recovery process has sent me into areas of emotional healing that I don’t think I would have ever discovered otherwise. It would be dishonest for me to claim that I am oblivious to any feeling of accomplishment, it’s just that I am trying to avoid pride. Pride has always been my downfall. Pride brings me to the mat every single time. I can take solace in my progress, but that doesn’t mean I have to act on it with excessive pride. I have spent a great deal of the past year learning humility, puncturing my ego, and putting my pride in check – it keeps me sober.

Although I take it a bit out of context, as I am not a prizefighter throwing a fight, I will leave you with this clip – it speaks to me. And yes, although I am sitting in front of a computer in my office, today I do feel like I am “kickin it in the Carribbean”.