Kernel of Truth

In case you wondered, I am good. Sobriety continues and although there are bad days sometimes, it mostly just keeps getting better. I was trying to think about why I haven’t blogged recently. Maybe I only like to blog when I need to get something out, and therefore I must be doing better cause there’s nothing to get out. Or maybe I am not getting it out so I’m not better. Ahh, alcoholic, spinning head, must figure it out behavior…. I’m going to blog when I feel like it and that’s that!

I had a bit of an epiphany a couple days ago, funny how this seems to keep happening in sobriety. My epiphany is about how finding the “kernel of truth” just makes everything better for me.

Once in a while, in our more heated moments, my wife will say “You Haven’t Changed”. Yes, this hurts. You might consider it mean or whatever, but that’s not the point of this post – I love my wife and all of us say things sometimes. The point I do want to make is that finding the kernel of truth set me free from this statement. When she said this it would really bother me, it was bullshit, I have changed a lot and she knew it, she even recognizes it sometimes, she’s just trying to stab me, on and on. Believing that her comment was completely false essentially kept me in chains. My breakthrough was this: I realized that, to her, at that exact moment and time, I hadn’t changed. Maybe not even just to her, maybe at that moment in time, or on that day, I was acting like I used to when I was drinking. A kernel of truth. For some reason, that realization set me free. The “You Haven’t Changed” comment carries a lot less power now, I am comfortable with my change and I don’t need to argue whether it is there. My therapist called this “reframing”, I don’t really know what that means. I do know that releasing myself from this comment in this way goes against everything I would have ever believed. Amazed every day.


About A Beast Within

Trying to find myself, battling alcoholism, and other personal demons. Sharing the journey. View all posts by A Beast Within

3 responses to “Kernel of Truth

  • themiracleisaroundthecorner

    I am so happy to hear you are well, I wish you could have seen my smile when I saw your post come up in my email! It’s been too long, although I am thrilled things are going well for you. And your insight is awe-inspiring… I wish I could say I have had that moment, but those words still tend to wound me. I guess the progress is that I can put them in their proper perspective a lot quicker than I used to. And that’s what it’s all about… progress, not perfection!

    Again, so great to “hear” from you!

  • byebyebeer

    Yay, glad for the update! I had a dream last night that my husband said something to me and I went off on him, ranting and raving. I woke up and realized/hoped that I wouldn’t react like that today because my skin has thickened and maybe there is some truth that needs to be explored (love the ‘kernel’ reference). It was just a dream, but this post reminded me of that. We don’t change completely, thankfully, but our perspective certainly does and that feels like a good and necessary thing.

  • Jen

    I was happy to see you post something too…you always make me think! I just noticed your favorite quote by Brené Brown too. I love her work!

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