Feeding the Beast

The beast is still hungry, not for Alcohol as far as I can tell – but sugar.  Since I have quit drinking I have a huge sugar craving.  When I was drinking I rarely drank soda, ate desert, candy, etc.  Now there is soda, skittles, sugared cereal, etc.  I am not comfortable with this.

It makes me think.  I have read a bit on Alcoholics and candida, hypoglycemia, etc.  I am always reluctant to blame my issues on some kind of physiological problem, because I kind of feel it is a cop-out and not taking responsibility for my choices – however there is something at play here.

As a kid I would sneak my parents gum that I was not supposed to have without asking.  It was not a single piece at a time, it was a binge:  unwrap 4 pieces, jam them in my mouth, hide the wrappers, feel guilty, lie about it if caught, blame it on my sister.  Yesterday I bought a bag of skittles on the ride home from work.  Did I eat 1 or 2 at a time leaving half a bag for later?  No.  Did I at one point jam about 20 in my mouth and chew them up into a giant sugar ball?  Yes.  At the Little League I have even had my kid buy me the candy at the snack shack, because “I am an adult” and shouldn’t be buying candy.  If you think about it, this is 100% the alcoholic pattern and behavior.

I don’t know which is the cause and which is the effect, nor whether it is physiological or mental, but I definitely see some relationship here.  Couple with the fact that I am now desiring sweets, which I really have not done on a regular basis since I was a kid – strange.


About A Beast Within

Trying to find myself, battling alcoholism, and other personal demons. Sharing the journey. View all posts by A Beast Within

One response to “Feeding the Beast

  • Lisa H.

    I’m not sure of your sobriety date, but if you were in the first 90 days when you wrote this, it’s totally normal. I had the same experience and it was worrisome for a while. My body was going into recovery mode and was used to a shit-ton of sugar from the alcohol. After about 3 months, it lessened greatly. And about 4 years in, I don’t crave sweets very often at all anymore. Not saying it took 4 years to stop craving sugar, but I just noticed one day that I didn’t care about it anymore. Give yourself a break. Hey, it’s okay to buy your own skittles. There’s no shame in it and it’s good practice at living honestly. : ) Thank you for sharing your story with us. Be well.

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